cibai motherfucker!

disclaimer : i realized by writing this post, i make myself even more so vulnerable to people's thoughts of my "sexuality". long has it been a topic that heats up any conversations behind my back, but frankly saying - i have not given a single shit loads of care.

i think im out of my mind.

let's just say I'M homosexual. gay. fag. queer. cibai motherfucker.

[i refuse the usual "i have a friend ..." because we all fuckin know that "friend" is none other than the one saying it.]

so, I'M gay. let's just say i am.

what is it to you?

the only thing that separates me from the heterosexual male is this - my sexual preference towards men, men who have the same tendency.

the only thing that separates me from most of YOU is this - YOU cannot accept the simple fact of life.

just because i dont fuck chicks. just because i fuck "dudes". sex is sex. sex is no longer the sacred act of reproduction. seriously, the biggest worry on any dudes' head is to get the lady pregnant when it comes to most sex. so, i choose to have sex with other gay men, pregnant ladies out of the list, but heck, in with the HIV.

okay. im out of my mind.

so, I'M gay. right.

i think straight men should thank God for gay men. if we're all straight, i pity the ugly boys who wont stand a chance of hitting it on with chicks. you lucky those pretty boys like it up the bottom. and the fact of the matter is, even if we play straight, chances are we still get `em chicks! HAH!

so, im still gay, right. let's just say i am.

its not because we're so much intune with our feminine side, its simply because we LISTEN and we take TIME to understand them chicks, while most men just wanna get straight down to business. everything is straight for straight men. metrosexual or ubersexual, those are the ones intune with their feminine side. HAH!

so anyway, lets stop this gay shit.

too much saying, but i think it all comes down to this - i am in my right to be one. you are in your right not to accept one.

that said - the world does not only revolves around you!

-

something random : i changed my mind. i think brunettes are hot!

to love, impossible!

the religion of self : trust is the foundation of love.
the contradiction of self : persisting this love although in great doubts.
note to self : love is fucked up!

" this thing they call love is just one fucked up whirlwind of fucked up emotions! "

> (Josh, 2006)

no, i didnt get fucked and got left out in the cold, according to taugey's belief. i am not bitter with anger, rather very much delusional with confusion. contrary to taugey's belief, im just frustrated with the whole figuring out what the fuck the other person is thinking about.

i was not born with the ability to read minds. so what the fuck?!

i was not born with the knowledge to comprehend all body languages. so what the fuck?!

i was not born with the wisdom to completely understand people, particularly this person i whole heartedly adore! (now say it with me), SO WHAT THE FUCK?!

i dont normally go gaga easily over someone. im rock solid on that. although, i did say -

" no matter how solid the ground i stand, i can still fall at the wake of an earthquake! "

> (Josh, 2006)

the question still remains : do i go through this, may it be the most of pain, knowing deep down its worth it, regardless the outcome?

i once answered yes. last night it became a no. now, it remains again a question.

-

something random : with the exception of friday as part of the weekend, it (the weekend) has been a pretty sober one! (something someone who knows me will understand!)

something more random : i took a dump (shit) while munching on a mcdonald's sausage egg mcmuffin once. just so you know, it was not deliberate, i was pissed (drunk) but unfortunately, it still lingers freshly in my memory!